Becoming You
When kids reach a certain age, adults begin to ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Which is to say, "what kind of person will you be?"
As an adult, you're frequently asked "what do you do?" Which is to say, "who have you become?"
I never had a vision for whom or what I would be. At least not in a practical sense. I thought it would be cool to be an athlete or a rapper. After all, they're rich, relevant, and showered with external validation. I tried, but never worked hard enough or sacrificed enough to be either. I was good at both, but never great.
America is focused on material wealth, and therefore money, and therefore career. Career is a small part of who you become. Once I gave up on the music dream, I decided to take a more structured path and go back to school. A critical moment was attending my friend Ben's MBA graduation party while I was a college dropout. He' d accomplished so much, and I felt small. Look at who he had become — what had I become?
Within three years I graduated from college and headed off to grad school to study the business of the environment. A couple weeks before leaving for school, a friend asked "after grad school, what do you want to be?"
"Happy," I replied, and was met with a blank stare. In retrospect, "content" would have been more accurate.
Through the process of finding my career path, I found myself. I became me by attempting to become someone else. Yes, I'm a musician, an athlete, a graduate. I'm all those things. But I'm also a husband, a father, a teacher, a student. I'm many things.
In taking on different roles, I have become me.
As a child, I felt crushing pressure to become someone noteworthy. To me, that meant a professional career. My elementary school friends had parents who were doctors, lawyers, dentists, scientists. I had no examples of professional careers in my family. My dad and stepmom were self-employed, with a string of businesses. Of seven or so that they tried, two succeeded. And my mom was a paralegal — she worked for attorneys, taking a small fraction of the earnings she helped generate. Would I be the professional, or would I work for one? Who would I become?
At some point, with no acclaim and no celebration, I became the person that I wanted to be. Not a specific career path, but hard working, sacrificing, prioritizing, family-focused, and accomplished. Persistence and self-awareness were the only missing ingredients.
I became through becoming. And as fast as that happened, I am now becoming something else.